wat bout pragnant strippers??
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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