I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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