i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
