I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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