We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
