He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
