4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
