people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
