i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
