It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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