So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
