I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
