Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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