never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
