How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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