Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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