I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize