Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize