I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
