paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize