that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
