'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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