Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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