The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
