I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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