I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
