I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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