fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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