just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
