My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
