super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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