Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize