I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
