Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This house was built for laser tag.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
