I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
