Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
