I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Come see our sink grown plant.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
