my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
