maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
