Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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