i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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