sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
