I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
