is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
