Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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