This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
