I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
