piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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