Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
