The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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