if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
