Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize