so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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