Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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