I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
