My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
