You're completely useless in the revolution.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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