I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
