i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
