She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You have to summon your inner elephant
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
