Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
