I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
