come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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