At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
