This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
