he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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