Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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