Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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