I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
