scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
