Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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