guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
