Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
