nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
