yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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