Need sex. Gaining weight.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your cock deserves a montage
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize