I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
