Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
