I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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