Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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