just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
