I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
