Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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