the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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