You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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