he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize