6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
