Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
