I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
