just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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