he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
