Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
