If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
