I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
