I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize