I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I understand Curling. That high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
