it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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