Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
