i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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