Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
