I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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