I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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