she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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