Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
