I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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