just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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