Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
