can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
