I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
